While I am generally happy with where my life is at right now I find my days being filled more and more with anger, frustration and hurt. I keep feeling an intense desire to become someone else to gain the useless acceptance of friends who seldom act like friends.
It's almost like I'm stuck in an adult version the nightmare that is high school. Everything is filled with drama and popularity rules, and quite frankly I am losing my patience.
I hate my desire for acceptance. I hate that I fall short, and even more, I hate that I allow myself to be a part of it.
Maybe it's wrong, but I prayed today that God would do something in me, through me, with me that would allow me to "stick it to the man". To make those people who make me hopelessly jump through hoops like a fool feel bad that they ever mistreated me. I want them to want to be part my friend. I want them to learn kindness and consideration. I wish they could hear, see and feel how they make others feel.
I don't want to be judgemental like they are.
I don't want to gossip like they do.
I don't want to laugh at other's expense like them.
I want God to ruin them.
I want them to get so messed up by Jesus that they cannot continue treating others with such disrespect.
Right now I am hurt and angry.
I want so badly to not care what they think about me, but reality is that not trying to be their friend is pretty lonely.
