I Read It In A Book

I was watching the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" today with my mom and sister. I like the movie because, as a "recovering" Gigi, it fills me with hope that someday I will be someone's exception to the rule instead of always the rule (Watch the movie if you're lost or even better yet read the book). After seeing the movie in the theater and being overwhelmed by how creepy my actions towards potential "mates" were I decided to read the book.

Now I read a lot of books and I am NOT one to read dating books or anything of that general topic base. Mainly because most of them out there are faith based, which isn't bad, just not always realistic and I am tired of living in a fantasy world that dreams come true...they totally do, but I guess I'm at a point where I feel like life is all about hanging on and hoping for the best...that's another blog though...

Anyway, I have ended up reading my fair share of relationship/dating books this year. One of the best being "He's Just Not That Into You" I really learned a lot about myself from the book and it was supplemental to another book I read called "Marriable" which happened to be a faith based relationship book that I happened upon one afternoon at Barnes and Noble. The two books seemed to fill in the lines of the other. After reading them I felt empowered, like I was ready to find the right guy. Unfortunately however, the right guy for me has not been ready to be found. It really makes me laugh because looking back on it now, I was feeling so desperate and alone I was willing to listen to and follow any guidance to fixing myself into being "the right girl", when the whole message of "He's Just Not That Into You" is that I already am...

Why do I listen to things I read in books as complete truth, as the answer to all my problems. A book is just one persons opinion on the "right way" to do something.

Reality is that while both books may have a lot of "right" things in them, only ONE book is 100% right and true and that's the one that God inspired, that's right I'm talking about the B-I-B-L-E. That might sound a bit like a copout, but really, there are some amazing love stories in that book. There is the story of Esther, Ruth, Sarah, Mary, Rachel and Leah, etc.

Really the point in me writing this is just to remind myself is that God's plan is perfect. It is a proven fact! If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself...

Anyway, I know that in HIS time I will find that which I long for, but until then I will continue to be romanced by the king of the ages, singing about a passion I daily experience, perpetually lost in the beauty of Jesus my Savior, dancing the night away at the foot of his throne...

Thanks For Forgetting Me

Transitions are always hard, but for some reason this latest transition is proving to be a new kind of difficult, thus making me feel like I am struggling to even breathe. Now that I am officially a college graduate and moved back in with my parents (I know...woo) I have begun the process of refinding my, as Michael W. Smith would say, "Place in this World". I feel lost in transition. That overwhelming feeling that I don't belong and worse yet...that I have been forgotten. I miss my Missouri friends, but don't want to be there, but feel really lonely and a little friendless here at home. I have a couple really great friends who have been my rescue since I've been home and then have had to deal with an interresting developing friendship that I am not quite sure how to read just yet, and I think that what I had first got from them was all wrong.

Today was one of those really aweful awkward days that could have gone better 1,000 different ways than it went bad. This developing "relationship"/ friendship whatever was supposed to help me and introduce me to people to alleviate a little bit of the tension and awkwardness that comes with meeting new people and finding/fitting into a new environment. This friend did not help me at all the way I had anticipated a friend would help me and in fact may have actually hindered me from making some great new friends. I don't think their intent was to stonewall me the way they did, but they certainly didn't actively try to involve me or even show interest in the fact that I had even showed up. I left angry and hurt with my pride damaged and my sense of self value ripped to shreds. If you're looking for a way to devalue someone try ignoring the crap out of them while they sit with a group of strangers and you're the only one they know. Wow that feels good...NOT! I probably shouldn't be so hard on them, because introducing someone to others isn't that easy for some people and I shouldn't have expected the evening to go as smoothly as I had anticipated.

Long story short...coming home for good sucks. I actually have to put forth the effort to build relationships again. Even though I know people here, I have to be really careful NOT to let people put me in a box again. I am a new creation, the old is gone and the new has come. The Sarah from "the glory days" is gone. She will NEVER be back, but the new Sarah is here now, and I think she is pretty spectacular. Don't expect the new Sarah to be even remotely similar to the old one even if they are still mostly the same. The new Sarah will NOT be walked over, the new Sarah WILL stand up for herself. The new Sarah will NOT tolerate pettyness, the new Sarah is a brilliant, beautiful, God breathed mess and if you have a problem with that take it up with my creator himself!

He's Just Not That Into Me...

February has once again thrust its grimy little fingers through my heart.

Once again it reminds me that I'm single and will most likely be spending the big holiday of the month alone with some girl friends crying our way through a chick flick, wondering where all the good men are at and why they're not falling all over us.

My mail box will most likely only hold a love note from my mom and dad and it's highly unlikely that my "Crush" bought me a "Crush" or a lollypop, or a flower or whatever the heck else some random group on campus is selling to remind me of my singleness and aparent top notch repulsion abilities.

There is this boy, that I very much like.

I told him about 2 months ago how great I think he is and he said he saw us just being friends.

I like being his friend and am therefore willing to in fact JUST be his friend, but I can't help but wonder what it is that makes him just not that into me.

I know that I'm not perfect. I'm not the skinniest or the prettiest. The smartest or the funniest, but I am a jem.

I am worth pursuing, worth getting to know....

I hate Valentines Day...

I hate the way it makes me feel like I'm not good enough to love.

It's not fair!
I am determined to have a good February 14th this year.

I am going to look great, feel great, and be great.

It is his loss if he doesn't see how great I am and want to get to know me better.

Maybe next year...

(I'll still hold onto the hope that I get a "crush" from my "crush" or a lollipop from someone special, or a flower from a secret admirer.)

The Sin Inside Me

So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.

Romans 7:14-25

Take Me For A Joyride!

Life is always an adventure.

I love it!

It seems like I've been finding a lot of adventure recently, it's either that or my Senioritis has set in and I just want to spend my last few months here enjoying people and things that I won't be able to do when real adulthood kicks in.

Sunday night after work a couple friends and I "borrowed" a shopping cart from Price Cutter... It was for a class project about Homelessness, but it is going down in history as one of the greatest memories I've made at Evangel thus far.

Yesterday we were hit with ice and sleet making the roads slick. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to venture out to a friends house for pizza, movies, and an adventure. We made it successfully to the house with only one mishap. That being me sliding into someone's front yard, and driving through their grass to regain control of good 'ole Pearl (my car)! It was really scary I was just lucky they didn't have any trees or vehicles I could have slammed into.

Later in the evening we decided to go play in the mess outside. We ventured into the unknown, AKA a drainage tunnel that fills during heavy rains, most of the year it is empty and dry. While inside the tunnel we found a smaller tunnel and decided to see where it led. About 100 yards in it got scary and we decided it would be best to turn around. Of course the guys I was with decided to freak me out, so I'm franticly crawling though this, "man hole" sized tunnel to get to safety. At the end I was pushed out and I didn't get my feet planted just right when I catapulted to the ground and landed on my ankle wrong. It really hurt, but I walked it off. And then walked some more and about 2 hours later finally got back to the house to take some I.B. Prufen. Luckily the 18 degree weather acted as a giant atmospheric ice pack and kept it from swelling too bad. Unfortunately this morning, I woke up with a balloon for an ankle. Yay for spraining your ankle on an adventure!

Regardless it was a blast and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
As soon as my ankle heals of course...

So I think I'll continue to take life for a joy ride...
at least this week!