When God Is Silent

A few years ago I read, The Applause of Heaven by Max Lucado which is about the There is a chapter in it about "...for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven." The chapter is entitled "The Kingdom Worth Dying For". It talks about John the Baptist and the events that lead up to his death. How he questioned whether Jesus was the one he was preparing the way for, he felt like Jesus didn't care, that God had abandoned him. Max notes that to some Jesus' response may be puzzling. He responded saying, "everything is going as planned, the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leaprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead have life, and the good news is being preached to the poor." John was hoping that Jesus would free him, rescue him from death, but Jesus' answer explained everything John needed to know. I love the way Max Lucado words things...he says...
"It wasn't that Jesus was silent; it was that John had been listening for the wrong answer. John had been listening for the answer to his earthly problems, while Jesus was busy resolving his heavenly ones. That's worth remembering next time you hear the silence of God. If you've asked for a mate, but are still sleeping alone . . . if you've asked for a child, but your womb stays barren . . . if you've asked for healing, but are still hurting . . . don't think God isn't listening. He is. And he is answering requests you are not even making." . . . Please catch this, it's powerful . . ."Does that mean Jesus has no reguard for injustice? No. He cares about persecutions. He cares about iniquities and hunger and prejudice. And he knows what it is like to be punished for something he didn't do. He knows the meaning of the phrase, 'It's just not right'. For it wasn't right that people spit into the eyes that had wept for them. It wasn't right that soldiers ripped chunks of flesh out of the back of their God. It wasn't right that spikes pierced the hands that formed the earth. And it wasn't right that the Son of God was forced to hear the silence of God.It wasn't right, but it happened.For while Jesus was on the cross, God did sit on his hands. He did turn his back. He did ignore the screams of the innocent. He sat in silence while the sins of the world were placed upon his Son. And he did nothing while a cry a million times bloodier than John's echoed in the black sky; 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?'Was it right, no. Was it fair, no. Was it love? Yes.In a world of injustice, God once and for all tipped the scales in the favor of hope. And he did it by sitting on his hands so that we could know the kingdom of God."
I have come to realize that some of my biggest failures, my biggest heartaches, and greatest letdowns were really God sitting on his hands because he knew that the pain of not having those things exatly my way was far less than the pain I would have experienced otherwise. Sometimes I get angry at God. I yell at him for not understanding what it feels like to never have things work out the way I want them too. I tell him that he has no idea how it feels to pray and pray for something that doesn't happen. I guess I'm wrong. He really does know how it feels, he really does understand.

I Will Be Still

A lot has been going on in my world over the last few months. I've faced some big transitions. I've stepped outside of my comfort zone in almost every area of my life. I've fallen, I've failed, I've cried. I've been frustrated. I've laughed. I've had the time of my life. But looking up from the mess and the pain I've lived in for the past few months I realized that I forgot how to just

BE STILL.
Backtracking a few months...in November the radio in my car went out. At first I was really frustrated about it. I hated that it was so quiet in my car. I was alone with my thoughts, my fears, my dreams... But after a while I found the quiet to be a place of refuge and peace. I looked forward to taking a drive in the stillness of my car. In time I started being my own radio, I would sing anything and everything. Sometimes I would make up my own lyrics to familiar melodies about the random things happening in my life. I would often laugh, knowing that if anyone else heard the words I was singing I would totally get made fun of. There were also times that I would rock out with myself and Jesus to my favorite worship songs or just sing my own songs and talk to Jesus about my life. There were even days that I would just sit in the complete silence of my car and listen. Listen for something, anything. Sometimes I would even yell at God in frustration that I couldn't hear him, but looking back now, it was in those silent moments that he taught me the most. Honestly, I really miss those quiet moments. My car radio finally got fixed so I could sell it in April. But those 5 radioless months helped me through some rather difficult and confusing time.
Since being home and having a car with a radio, I have forgotten how to just enjoy quietness. I have forgotten to just BE STILL! Maybe it has contributed to my current state of confusion or maybe it's just the season of life I'm in. This last week and a half, however, I have asked myself a lot of questions and made a lot of excuses. My heart says one thing, my flesh says another, and all the noise and conflict in my spirit has me more frustrated and confused than ever. I don't really know where I am, or how to get to where I want to be, and sometimes I'm not even sure I want the things I want.
On the way home from church tonight I decided that it was time to revisit the quiet place in my car. So I turned the radio off and just listened. What I heard was the familiar voice of my father saying "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10a (NLT). The rest of the way home I sang one of my favorite songs of all time (yes I do realize that singing isn't exactly being quiet, but it was what I needed). The song I sang is very fitting for the circumstances of my life. The best part is that the song is more than just lyrics and a pretty melody, but it's a great reminder to me that my heavenly father has my life under control. That even though crazieness surrounds me, he has hidden me in his wings and covered me with his mightly hand.
I am challenging myself to go radioless in my car from today through the end of September.
I dare you to do it with me.

You don't always have to sing or pray, sometimes you should just listen. You never know what God will say to you...

STILL -Hillsong

Hide me now
Under Your wings

Cover me

Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father you are King over the flood

I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know His power

In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with You above the storm

Father You are king over the flood

I will be still and know You are God

Come Thirsty

I found this blog I wrote on Facebook earlier this year and the truth and sincerity resounded in my heart and I felt the need to post it on here...

I have been reading from the book Cast of Characters by Max Lucado. He subtitles the work Common People in the Hands of an Uncommon God. Each chapter explores the story and lessons of a Biblical character. Today I just happened to read about the woman (in the book of Luke) who washed Jesus’ feet. I was really moved by the way Max tells her story and I wanted to share it with you. As a preface, I wanted to title this, A Lesson on Love from a Biblical Whore, but I thought that people would be offended and not read it if I titled it that. The truth is though, that this woman was just that, a whore. She sold her body on the street and thought nothing of it . . . that is, until she met Jesus. Max Lucado notes that we don’t know where she first met Jesus or anything about their relationship prior to her humbling act in Luke 7. All we know of her, we know from Jesus words to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t even offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has been kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. I tell you, her sins-and they are many-have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” (Luke 7:40-47 NLT) Now I have read this story many many times and have always thought it was touching, but I did not realize what it meant. I knew she was a sinner and that she honored Jesus love for her in a beautiful way, but I missed the whole part about Simon being put off by her "sinful" profession of love to “his” Savior. Max writes, “You’d think the woman would avoid Jesus. Is she not the woman of the night? The town hussy? But she can’t resist him. Simon’s ‘love’ is calibrated and stingy. Her love, on the other hand, is extravagant and risky”. I love that, RISKY LOVE. “She came thirsty. Thirsty from guilt. Thirsty from regret. Thirsty from the countless nights of making love and finding none. She came thirsty. And when Jesus hands her the goblet of grace, she drinks. She doesn’t just taste or nip. She doesn’t just dip her finger and lick it or take the cup and sip it. She lifts the liquid to her lips and drinks, gulping, swallowing like the parched pilgrim she is. She drinks until the mercy flows down her chin and onto her neck and chest. She drinks until every inch of her soul is moist and soft. She comes thirsty and she drinks. She drinks deeply”. I love the picture Max paints here. I see a woman so thirsty that the liquid gushes out soaking her clothes and the ground around her. Almost as if a bucket was being dumped over her head. She becomes drenched in Jesus’ thirst quenching grace!
This picture reminded me how thirsty I am. I am craving a drink like the one she took.“Simon on the other hand, doesn’t even know he is thirsty. People like Simon don’t need grace; they analyze it. They don’t request mercy; they debate and prorate it. It wasn’t that Simon couldn’t be forgiven; he just never asks to be”.The chapter goes on to explain how we try to love other’s we say “I’m supposed to love my neighbor? Okay. By golly, I will.So we try. Teeth clenched. Jaw firm. We’re going to love if it kills us! And it may do just that.Could we be missing a step? Could it be that the first step of love is not toward them but toward him? Could it be that the secret to loving is receiving? You give love by first receiving it. ‘We love, because He first loved us’ (1 John 4:19 NASB).What a novel thought. To love others we need to experience Christ’s love for us and the deeper we let him love us the deeper we will be able to love and accept others. Those who really know me know that loving people the way Christ loves me is my number one goal in life. I am usually pretty horrible at doing this, but still I try. I am determined to let Jesus love me so that I can model that love to others.I close with Max’s words,“God loved you. Personally. Powerfully. Passionately. Others have promised and failed. But Gof has promised and succeeded. He loves you with an unfailing love. And his love-if you will let it-can fill you and leave you with a love worth giving. So come. Come thirsty and drink deeply”.

At A Crossroad

As we grow up, life hands us a series of tests that end up defining who we become during the next leg of the journey. Generally the test is some kind of compromising situation, or tough decision. Never-the-less, whatever it is that life throws at us we generally tend to feel a little left in the lurch and unsure of what to do.

For most of my life I have done fairly well with these tests, but I have recently embarked on a journey that has ended up throwing a few my way in which I am torn about what to do. I will spare my readers the details because to some they would bore, to others, beckon questions for which I am not ready to answer.

The part I hate is that I know what the "right" decisions are I just am not sure it's what I want because maybe they are the right decisions for others around me, but not me right now.

I am so sick of letting other people's idea of what is "right" hold me back, and keeping me from doing things that I want to do. I realize that sometimes their definition is meant to protect me, but at the same time...what if I don't want to be protected anymore? What if I want to experience life and take in all it has to offer?

Being home often feels like a trap. I am trapped by other people's expectations of me so much that I don't even remember who I really am. It's a constant battle between my heart and my love. My heart says live, my love says obey.

Where is the balance?

I don't want to live in regret.

I could regret not trying or I could regret that I did.

I'm tired of living scared...

I don't want to disappoint anyone, but in pleasing everyone else in what I do with my life I feel like I am disappointing myself.
I think that I've made my mind up and I don't think that some people are going to like my choices, but I feel like being a little bit selfish.

What does it really matter what I do as long as I honor God?

I Read It In A Book

I was watching the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You" today with my mom and sister. I like the movie because, as a "recovering" Gigi, it fills me with hope that someday I will be someone's exception to the rule instead of always the rule (Watch the movie if you're lost or even better yet read the book). After seeing the movie in the theater and being overwhelmed by how creepy my actions towards potential "mates" were I decided to read the book.

Now I read a lot of books and I am NOT one to read dating books or anything of that general topic base. Mainly because most of them out there are faith based, which isn't bad, just not always realistic and I am tired of living in a fantasy world that dreams come true...they totally do, but I guess I'm at a point where I feel like life is all about hanging on and hoping for the best...that's another blog though...

Anyway, I have ended up reading my fair share of relationship/dating books this year. One of the best being "He's Just Not That Into You" I really learned a lot about myself from the book and it was supplemental to another book I read called "Marriable" which happened to be a faith based relationship book that I happened upon one afternoon at Barnes and Noble. The two books seemed to fill in the lines of the other. After reading them I felt empowered, like I was ready to find the right guy. Unfortunately however, the right guy for me has not been ready to be found. It really makes me laugh because looking back on it now, I was feeling so desperate and alone I was willing to listen to and follow any guidance to fixing myself into being "the right girl", when the whole message of "He's Just Not That Into You" is that I already am...

Why do I listen to things I read in books as complete truth, as the answer to all my problems. A book is just one persons opinion on the "right way" to do something.

Reality is that while both books may have a lot of "right" things in them, only ONE book is 100% right and true and that's the one that God inspired, that's right I'm talking about the B-I-B-L-E. That might sound a bit like a copout, but really, there are some amazing love stories in that book. There is the story of Esther, Ruth, Sarah, Mary, Rachel and Leah, etc.

Really the point in me writing this is just to remind myself is that God's plan is perfect. It is a proven fact! If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself...

Anyway, I know that in HIS time I will find that which I long for, but until then I will continue to be romanced by the king of the ages, singing about a passion I daily experience, perpetually lost in the beauty of Jesus my Savior, dancing the night away at the foot of his throne...